Its been eons since ive been here. There isnt much to write about when ur happy and whole.
I knew at the back of my head that this would happen to me sooner or later becoz when u cherish something so damn much, God will definitely test you. He wants to see how strong you are in the face of death. In my case, death of a special friendship.
I didnt want it to happen, but it did. I felt betrayed and cheated. The friendship and trust we build for so long suddenly cracked. It was too overwhelming for me. Loosing a best friend is like walking down a flight of stairs and at the last step you think theres one more step but there isnt and u crumble to the floor in a heap of dust and bruises. There is a moment of blinding shock followed by pain and bewilderment. You will take awhile to pick urself up and brush off the dust. Walking down a flight of stairs might never be the same again but u'll learn to get use to it. Time heals all wound.
Telling my grandma made things more complicated and tension soon rised to the point where i juz wanna curl up and die. However after talking (and crying) to her for 30mins, she made things clearer for us. She laid everything on the table. She approach the problem in a calm and collected manner which made the discussion easier. At the end of our "therapy session" we manage to agree on a solution. Im still hurt and angry but now theres Hope.
Hope comes in various shapes and sizes. It comes to everyone and anyone who believes in Faith.Having Faith around somehow lessens the pain and makes you look forward to meeting Hope.
29 January 2009
10 October 2008
NERO
Who is Nero and why did he/she/it invade the body of Anneliese Michel along with other dead infamous beings (namely Hitler, Legion, Judas, etc)? The possession that lead to the tragic death of a devout German Catholic lady. Voice recordings of the exorcism proved deep voices declaring themselves Hitler, Judas, Legion, Lucifer, Nero, etc (cant remember the rest)
A possibility is Nero of Rome, the emperor who murdered his mother for fear of losing his throne. When Rome burned, Nero escaped being suspected by blaming it on Christians. Eventually Christians admitted to the burning of Rome, probably after being tortured into admitting it.
Nero put to death many Christians by burning them on crucifixs to illuminate the city and he is responsible for the deaths of Paul & Peter, based on accounts from a Christian writing from the 2nd Century: "the slayer of his mother, who himself this king, will persecute the plant which the Twelve Apostles of the Beloved have planted. Of the Twelve one will be delivered into his hands". Peter was crucified upside-down (the first use of the Antichrist symbol, probably the birth of the Antichrist symbol itself) while Paul was said to have been beheaded in Rome during the reign of Nero. But most writers agreed that only Peter was put to death by Nero.
Nero is further condemned by being labelled as the Antichrist that will come forth and bring the day of destruction with him. The name Nero, when treated as Hebrew numbers, add up to 666, the number of the beast.
The death of Nero was similar to that of Hitler. Suicide upon lost of power. Nero and four loyal servants travelled out in search of a place to hide, upon reaching a villa outside the city Nero ordered the servants to begin digging a grave for him. He drove a dagger through his throat when the sounds of horsemen grew closer. His last words to the horsemen sent to kill him was " Too late! This is fidelity!". Nero died on 9th June 68.
However some believe he never did perished. His grave outside the city which was dug by servants was never properly found. His remains ceased to exist. Many scholars believe he still lives beyond human logic, waiting to come forth as the Antichrist on the day of destruction.
Its quite impossible to trace the real Nero that declares himself in the body of the late Anneliese Michel so i guess Nero of Rome comes the closest. Identifying him/her/it will never come to a proper/true answer. Irregardless of what anyone says, no one can surely tell who that voice belongs to. Another mystery is why. Why invade the body of a devout Christian? Rebellion purposes? Did they think that by invading the body of a pure being who put herself entirely in the faith of God, they are challenging God himself? I want to visit the resting place of Anneliese in Germany but i doubt i can anytime soon. I hope to feel the peace that surrounds her now. She woke the entire world to the Evil that exist and the Evil that we should look out for. She suffered to save the souls of many.
Before her death, Anneliese was approached by the Virgin. She was given two choices, either suffer the possession and let the world know of the existence of Demons and Evil OR be rid of the Demons possessing her and die peacefully. The brave Anneliese Michel chose to let the world know and somehow warn the human race of the existence of Evil. She bravely suffered awhile more and predicted the day she was to die. True to her words, she died peacefully in her sleep on the day predicted. Her last words were "mother..im afraid".
R.I.P Anneliese Michel
September 21, 1952 - July 1, 1976
A possibility is Nero of Rome, the emperor who murdered his mother for fear of losing his throne. When Rome burned, Nero escaped being suspected by blaming it on Christians. Eventually Christians admitted to the burning of Rome, probably after being tortured into admitting it.
Nero put to death many Christians by burning them on crucifixs to illuminate the city and he is responsible for the deaths of Paul & Peter, based on accounts from a Christian writing from the 2nd Century: "the slayer of his mother, who himself this king, will persecute the plant which the Twelve Apostles of the Beloved have planted. Of the Twelve one will be delivered into his hands". Peter was crucified upside-down (the first use of the Antichrist symbol, probably the birth of the Antichrist symbol itself) while Paul was said to have been beheaded in Rome during the reign of Nero. But most writers agreed that only Peter was put to death by Nero.
Nero is further condemned by being labelled as the Antichrist that will come forth and bring the day of destruction with him. The name Nero, when treated as Hebrew numbers, add up to 666, the number of the beast.
The death of Nero was similar to that of Hitler. Suicide upon lost of power. Nero and four loyal servants travelled out in search of a place to hide, upon reaching a villa outside the city Nero ordered the servants to begin digging a grave for him. He drove a dagger through his throat when the sounds of horsemen grew closer. His last words to the horsemen sent to kill him was " Too late! This is fidelity!". Nero died on 9th June 68.
However some believe he never did perished. His grave outside the city which was dug by servants was never properly found. His remains ceased to exist. Many scholars believe he still lives beyond human logic, waiting to come forth as the Antichrist on the day of destruction.
Its quite impossible to trace the real Nero that declares himself in the body of the late Anneliese Michel so i guess Nero of Rome comes the closest. Identifying him/her/it will never come to a proper/true answer. Irregardless of what anyone says, no one can surely tell who that voice belongs to. Another mystery is why. Why invade the body of a devout Christian? Rebellion purposes? Did they think that by invading the body of a pure being who put herself entirely in the faith of God, they are challenging God himself? I want to visit the resting place of Anneliese in Germany but i doubt i can anytime soon. I hope to feel the peace that surrounds her now. She woke the entire world to the Evil that exist and the Evil that we should look out for. She suffered to save the souls of many.
Before her death, Anneliese was approached by the Virgin. She was given two choices, either suffer the possession and let the world know of the existence of Demons and Evil OR be rid of the Demons possessing her and die peacefully. The brave Anneliese Michel chose to let the world know and somehow warn the human race of the existence of Evil. She bravely suffered awhile more and predicted the day she was to die. True to her words, she died peacefully in her sleep on the day predicted. Her last words were "mother..im afraid".
R.I.P Anneliese Michel
September 21, 1952 - July 1, 1976
16 September 2008
Riding the waves and getting sick
Woke up super early to send the little boy to Tekong. It was painfully cold in the bus at past 6am. I cast a spell on an asshole who refuse to come to terms with his fugly face and fuck-ier attitude. Matrips should be cramped in a cage and torched alive. Watch their (FAKE) blonde scalp sizzle and bubble makes quite a pleasant day for me. Im sick in the head, so bite me. He flinched a little when i blew my fairy dust at him, and dat was dat. Poor mite, shudnt have pissed me off.
The boat ride was superbly disgusting but the view was kinda nice. Lotsa white sandy reclaimed land. I held in my breakfast and refuse to de-gut myself. I imagined Tekong to be foresty with depressing green buildings smelling of urine and gun powder but boy was i duped. We were greeted by a chalet resort. Sunny coloured buildings, palm trees and other pretty sights surprised me. But i cud sense that these assuring sights didnt do much to deflat Ahtip's and all the other boys' nervous-ness. He was jumpy and babbling like a retard in the boat but its quite awesome for him to bump into his classmates and friends, I could almost hear the relieved sigh in him. Good on yer mate.
We separated from the Enlistees as we make our way around the island on a tour conducted by a dude in green. It was a hot day and I got bored. We saw a swimming pool, gym, games room, clean toilet(gasp!! no pontianak?!), more palm trees and other boring stuff. BUT when we got back to the Hall to witness the Oath taking ceremony, i was stunned. The chatty "boys" that we left merely 30mins ago were like freaking robots. They sat rigid with their fists clenched on their laps. Not even one turned to look at us as we walked past them. Ahtip was grinning a little, cant help himself, but he was a rigid R2D2 alright. I wasnt totally pleased with it but was impressed anyways. My aunt, ahtip's mum, mumbled sadly "To think, 18yrs and i cudnt get him to sit still when all the Army took was 30mins". Me and Zul(Ahtip's bestie came too, such a good fren) thought it was funny.
When it was time to bid them farewell, I had to hug him. Ive known him all his life and most of mine. Hes a brother regardless of what the hell anyone says. (FAST FACT:Ive got three crazy-ass brothers and a baby sister) I cant help but get teary-eyed when we went right and he went left. I wont see him for the next two weeks and its kinda weird. I hope his crazy-ass doesnt get him into any trouble and i pray that his unique personality doesnt get him misunderstood (which happens alot). My aunt is quite satisfied to know that Ahtip's got friends there and he wont be too homesick.
We made our way back to the boat and i cant help but turn around and came eye-to-eye with Childhood. She stared at me. In her I saw flashes of me and Ahtip cycling and running at top speed, I smelled the many zoo outings we spent when we could barely see over the high fences, i heared the peels of laughter we shared when we did sumting silly and I smiled at the memories of scolding we got (from both mothers) for always breaking sumting or learning a new bad word. At that precise moment, i let go. I released the soft hands of Childhood and watched her skip away. Bitter sweet but refreshing.
Work sucked like a bloody vacuum today! ArrrrrggGhhhhHH!
The boat ride was superbly disgusting but the view was kinda nice. Lotsa white sandy reclaimed land. I held in my breakfast and refuse to de-gut myself. I imagined Tekong to be foresty with depressing green buildings smelling of urine and gun powder but boy was i duped. We were greeted by a chalet resort. Sunny coloured buildings, palm trees and other pretty sights surprised me. But i cud sense that these assuring sights didnt do much to deflat Ahtip's and all the other boys' nervous-ness. He was jumpy and babbling like a retard in the boat but its quite awesome for him to bump into his classmates and friends, I could almost hear the relieved sigh in him. Good on yer mate.
We separated from the Enlistees as we make our way around the island on a tour conducted by a dude in green. It was a hot day and I got bored. We saw a swimming pool, gym, games room, clean toilet(gasp!! no pontianak?!), more palm trees and other boring stuff. BUT when we got back to the Hall to witness the Oath taking ceremony, i was stunned. The chatty "boys" that we left merely 30mins ago were like freaking robots. They sat rigid with their fists clenched on their laps. Not even one turned to look at us as we walked past them. Ahtip was grinning a little, cant help himself, but he was a rigid R2D2 alright. I wasnt totally pleased with it but was impressed anyways. My aunt, ahtip's mum, mumbled sadly "To think, 18yrs and i cudnt get him to sit still when all the Army took was 30mins". Me and Zul(Ahtip's bestie came too, such a good fren) thought it was funny.
When it was time to bid them farewell, I had to hug him. Ive known him all his life and most of mine. Hes a brother regardless of what the hell anyone says. (FAST FACT:Ive got three crazy-ass brothers and a baby sister) I cant help but get teary-eyed when we went right and he went left. I wont see him for the next two weeks and its kinda weird. I hope his crazy-ass doesnt get him into any trouble and i pray that his unique personality doesnt get him misunderstood (which happens alot). My aunt is quite satisfied to know that Ahtip's got friends there and he wont be too homesick.
We made our way back to the boat and i cant help but turn around and came eye-to-eye with Childhood. She stared at me. In her I saw flashes of me and Ahtip cycling and running at top speed, I smelled the many zoo outings we spent when we could barely see over the high fences, i heared the peels of laughter we shared when we did sumting silly and I smiled at the memories of scolding we got (from both mothers) for always breaking sumting or learning a new bad word. At that precise moment, i let go. I released the soft hands of Childhood and watched her skip away. Bitter sweet but refreshing.
Work sucked like a bloody vacuum today! ArrrrrggGhhhhHH!
12 September 2008
In God we believe
I don't know you and I may never will. We merely brushed past each other and smiled about 2 yrs ago(if u were the same girl he was with back then). But when I read it in the papers today, I choked. The thought of what you're going through crushed me. I felt a searing pain in my throat and chest as I read about your new baby and the idea of you all alone, waiting painfully for his return . I started praying very very hard for you and your baby. For your husband as well. I bet Kimmy feels pain too, your husband is his friend after all. I hope you're strong and I hope God help you through this and bring relief to you and your family. My words may not get to you, but I'll keep you in my prayers.
My first thoughts went to Kimmy. I don't even want to imagine what I would do. The emptiness must feel like a blunt razor tearing up your heart. I shudder every time I think. I'm weak and I'm very dependent on Kimmy's tender loving care and his mere presence. I'll definitely break and die. If I don't, I'll make sure I do. To live with that pain and overcome it requires GREAT patience and faith. May God give you strength and I hope you overcome this. God bless.
Sincerely,
Feeza
My first thoughts went to Kimmy. I don't even want to imagine what I would do. The emptiness must feel like a blunt razor tearing up your heart. I shudder every time I think. I'm weak and I'm very dependent on Kimmy's tender loving care and his mere presence. I'll definitely break and die. If I don't, I'll make sure I do. To live with that pain and overcome it requires GREAT patience and faith. May God give you strength and I hope you overcome this. God bless.
Sincerely,
Feeza
19 May 2008
Rock Steady
You remember when people say the engagement period is a tough one and we both shud be prepared for worst battles? I do. I remembered smiling and politely brushing off the comment. Little did I know, they weren't bullshitting. Its one tough cookie to chew. We tied the noose barely two weeks ago and we're already experiencing the Japanese Occupation period. I'm as tensed as a boxer in a ring, one wrong movement and i pounce on you. But you know i don't mean it and u keep loving me still. Loving me more in fact(i hope).
You're becoming more responsible towards me(slowly but surely). Its a nice feeling but its different. Like tasting chocolate for the first time, thick and sickeningly sweet. I wish us better days and i'm sure as hell gonna start using the few magics i have left to conjure you happiness.
2008 hasnt been nice to me but the past mth has. I got engaged to a loving, funny, understanding, soft-spoken and never-ever-physically-hurt-me guy and as a bonus I bumped into Nadiah which led me to get into contact with Huda! What more could i ask for??????? We celebrated the reunion with a horror movie which leaves us hysterically laughing and screaming in between scenes and a sleepover at my place. After 2 yrs of loosing track of each other, not surprisingly our chemistry still remains strong. These two have been with me thru shitty and bloody times. I miss you guys so bloody much :-)
Thank you again Mr. God
You're becoming more responsible towards me(slowly but surely). Its a nice feeling but its different. Like tasting chocolate for the first time, thick and sickeningly sweet. I wish us better days and i'm sure as hell gonna start using the few magics i have left to conjure you happiness.
2008 hasnt been nice to me but the past mth has. I got engaged to a loving, funny, understanding, soft-spoken and never-ever-physically-hurt-me guy and as a bonus I bumped into Nadiah which led me to get into contact with Huda! What more could i ask for??????? We celebrated the reunion with a horror movie which leaves us hysterically laughing and screaming in between scenes and a sleepover at my place. After 2 yrs of loosing track of each other, not surprisingly our chemistry still remains strong. These two have been with me thru shitty and bloody times. I miss you guys so bloody much :-)
Thank you again Mr. God
04 May 2008
Yesterday was a hot and sweaty day. Lotsa cameras lotsa action. I didnt attend the Grammys, i attended something less fake. When we first planned the event everyone voted for something simple and sweet. A few close relatives and a private gathering would be all it is. Nearing the day, everything changed. We had a buffet spread, 100 guests, 13 gifts from me, 11 from him, a makeup artist, etc. It was ridiculous balls!
Despite all the buzz and mayhem, i did enjoy myself. I thank everyone who came with an honest intention to add merriment to my event. Loads of thanks to Kimmy's family for being cool. Special thanks to those who have helped me and my family make this happen. Thank you all. Thank you Mr. God.
Congrats to us Kimmy dear. We've got 2 yrs to save up $8,000 each for the wedding. Gd luck brader! haha
PS: STEREOPHONICS CONCERT WAS AWESOOOOOOOOOOME!! (KT Turnstall is still my fav though) Too busy jumping around and screaming to take pics of them. Kimmy has some pics on his blog.
18 December 2007
Grey clouds need clearing
Its hard to depict in words the turmoil im struggling within. Because though im going thru difficult times, im also blessed with short bursts of happiness and bliss when im with you, your family and aunty rehana's family. I savour ever moment of these happy times, be it merely 5 seconds, for they somehow help me during the turmoil. Exactly like holding my hand tight and walking me thru the storm. I come out less hurt and more hopeful. The talk i had with your mum and dad yesterday evening was refreshing and comforting. They both understood the turmoil and they would love to hold my hand sometime and help me thru it, just like you did. They offered me comfort and most precious of all, hope. Hope for a better tomorrow.
Life is harder then ever for me now and im grateful for all the support and love from you, your family and aunty rehana's family. Thank you all and may God bless you for your goodness and charity.
PS: Thanks for the comforting hugs when i most need it Kimmy.
Life is harder then ever for me now and im grateful for all the support and love from you, your family and aunty rehana's family. Thank you all and may God bless you for your goodness and charity.
PS: Thanks for the comforting hugs when i most need it Kimmy.
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